Confidence.

I think one of the nicest things that anyone could say to me is to compliment me on my confidence.  I really had to learn how to be confident in myself and present myself as a strong individual.  If you ask my mother, she will tell you how headstrong I was as a child and teenager, and how nobody messed with me.  But that is completely untrue.  I was so shy, so self conscious, and so weak while growing up.  I was petrified of what others thought of me.  I would avoid situations and felt so incredibly awkward while trying to "fit in".  I allowed myself to be pushed around found myself in situations that I didn't want to be in.  Even as a young adult and a newlywed, I still felt so uncomfortable in my skin.  Once I became a mother, I still felt that need to fit in.  Was I doing the parenting right?  Was my child "normal"?  What did others think of me?  And then one day, it all changed.


I remember the day that I tried out confidence and it changed my life forever.  My neighbor asked if she could borrow my shop vacuum to clean out their van.  I had been lending it to her about once a month for about a year.  It didn't bother me the first time she asked, or even the second time, but by the third time I was starting to get really annoyed that they hadn't purchased their own.  I mean, come on, you can get a decent one for about $50 at Walmart.  It was close to a year of this and I finally just said no.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  I felt hot and my heart was pounding through all parts of my body, but I had said no.  She simply asked why and I said that she had been borrowing it for almost a year and it was time that they bought their own.  That was it.  Our relationship didn't change.  In fact, it didn't even skip a beat.  Everything was normal, and the next day I saw them unload a brand new shop vac from their van.  And then, I was changed.  

It took one time of me saying no.  One time of saying exactly what I felt without being mean or rude, just honest.  One time, and I started to become the strong, confident, and bold person that I am now.

I know now that I intimidate a lot of people.  I'm not mean.  I'm not rude.  I don't think I'm better than anyone else, nor do I feel I'm perfect.  But I am honest and blunt and I absolutely love myself.  I think now, I'm a love me or hate me kind of person.  I've lost almost every single friendship that I had before I became who I am now.  But, you know what?  I'm so happy I did!  Because now, my life is filled with people that respect me, people that are interested in my opinion, and people that can tell me when they won't put up with my shit!  Becoming confident was the best thing I've ever done in my life!