Another Spork Post.

JUST MAKE THE SNORING STOP.

I'm trying really hard not to kill my husband in his sleep.  Every night I get ripped out of my dreams to the sounds of chainsaws and bloody massacres, only to come to and realize that all of this violence is coming from my husband's breathing orifices.  Oh the sounds......the SOUNDS.

The spork-man has always snored.  I think most men do.  But I've always been able to subtly threaten his life and nudge his liver with my elbow to make him stop.  It's not stopping.  It never stops now.  I've nudged and kicked and yelled.  I'm becoming a night time screaming maniac.  I wake up and contemplate my own suicide.  I try sleeping with ear plugs, but the orifice sounds penetrate the mattress and I'm, again, ripped out of my dreams by a what seems to be a level 5 earthquake.

Tequila should help.  And a spork.